Patton Oswalt

Patton Oswalt played Spence on the sitcom "King Queens". Oswalt is a little dumpy and very harmless looking, he's also a stand up with a great line in profanity. From Oswalt's "Feelin' kinda Patton" album and the routine "Liquor Ads" comes this classic, delivered by Patton on behalf one of his creations, a drunk hot chick:-

"...see normally I fuck anything that hoves into my field of vision but this guy's new in town, doesn't know my reputation as the town jizz jar and he's going to try and start to a relationship and I am going to kill a few brain cells and try to blot out the memory of when I fucked that softball team in the abandoned hospital...if it could only dull the pain of my battered chapped pussy"

Even Oswalt recoils, a touch, at "battered chapped pussy". I don't think that's the best line, no for me it's "the town jizz jar", which is a small work of genius. For some reason, it brings to mind an old marmalade jar in to which I decanted some varnish that never got used. After god knows how many years the jar has become all encrusted and grimy but for some reason I never get round to throwing it out. Yack.