Wednesday, 29 August 2007
Fucktards...
Which reminds me....and slightly off topic, but given that only me reads this, who cares?
Blu-ray versus HD DVD. Who gives a crap? What a fantastic idea two formats that are a replacement for DVD duke it out whilst hardly anyone buys either format and all the while things move on. It seems to me I have been listening to the whole Blu-ray HD DVD
debate for at least two years.
Just look at the crapola you have to get through to make a choice:
http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,1759,1982533,00.asp
Fuck me, a DVD is pretty good I reckon and will do for now. So why the war over a format? Well it's obvious big companies love formats, they get control, and if they have a media arm or computer arm they think they can use this to leverage a position.
Sony is a classic example, and it generally fails. Look at its memory stick. Did Sony not realise that after about 3 or so years USB storage would cost fuck all? I can buy a 2 gig USB at my local petrol station for peanuts. No, Sony decided to try to force its device onto consumers and now its redundant. In the meantime Sony could have sold shit loads of Sony branded USB sticks to everyone and made a lot of cash.
Which brings me to HDBLUSHITE.....if the majors agreed on a format they could all get on with selling the product and making money. Instead they are infighting whilst the content streamers get a march on them. For me I'll think about DVD as a cheap method of backing up data, in the meantime I'll download stuff and stream it to my TV.
Which brings me to HD standards......
BOLLOCKS I AM NOT EVEN GOING TO TRY.
Blu-ray versus HD DVD. Who gives a crap? What a fantastic idea two formats that are a replacement for DVD duke it out whilst hardly anyone buys either format and all the while things move on. It seems to me I have been listening to the whole Blu-ray HD DVD
debate for at least two years.
Just look at the crapola you have to get through to make a choice:
http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,1759,1982533,00.asp
Fuck me, a DVD is pretty good I reckon and will do for now. So why the war over a format? Well it's obvious big companies love formats, they get control, and if they have a media arm or computer arm they think they can use this to leverage a position.
Sony is a classic example, and it generally fails. Look at its memory stick. Did Sony not realise that after about 3 or so years USB storage would cost fuck all? I can buy a 2 gig USB at my local petrol station for peanuts. No, Sony decided to try to force its device onto consumers and now its redundant. In the meantime Sony could have sold shit loads of Sony branded USB sticks to everyone and made a lot of cash.
Which brings me to HDBLUSHITE.....if the majors agreed on a format they could all get on with selling the product and making money. Instead they are infighting whilst the content streamers get a march on them. For me I'll think about DVD as a cheap method of backing up data, in the meantime I'll download stuff and stream it to my TV.
Which brings me to HD standards......
BOLLOCKS I AM NOT EVEN GOING TO TRY.
Patton Oswalt
Patton Oswalt played Spence on the sitcom "King Queens". Oswalt is a little dumpy and very harmless looking, he's also a stand up with a great line in profanity. From Oswalt's "Feelin' kinda Patton" album and the routine "Liquor Ads" comes this classic, delivered by Patton on behalf one of his creations, a drunk hot chick:-
"...see normally I fuck anything that hoves into my field of vision but this guy's new in town, doesn't know my reputation as the town jizz jar and he's going to try and start to a relationship and I am going to kill a few brain cells and try to blot out the memory of when I fucked that softball team in the abandoned hospital...if it could only dull the pain of my battered chapped pussy"
Even Oswalt recoils, a touch, at "battered chapped pussy". I don't think that's the best line, no for me it's "the town jizz jar", which is a small work of genius. For some reason, it brings to mind an old marmalade jar in to which I decanted some varnish that never got used. After god knows how many years the jar has become all encrusted and grimy but for some reason I never get round to throwing it out. Yack.
"...see normally I fuck anything that hoves into my field of vision but this guy's new in town, doesn't know my reputation as the town jizz jar and he's going to try and start to a relationship and I am going to kill a few brain cells and try to blot out the memory of when I fucked that softball team in the abandoned hospital...if it could only dull the pain of my battered chapped pussy"
Even Oswalt recoils, a touch, at "battered chapped pussy". I don't think that's the best line, no for me it's "the town jizz jar", which is a small work of genius. For some reason, it brings to mind an old marmalade jar in to which I decanted some varnish that never got used. After god knows how many years the jar has become all encrusted and grimy but for some reason I never get round to throwing it out. Yack.
Tuesday, 28 August 2007
He does not know....
"shit from shinola" is an old American phrase to illustrate someone's stupidity. Shinola was a shoe polish and no doubt the black variety and shit had some similarity in appearance, but only a Jerk would not be able to tell the difference when found on his shoe.
There's an English version "He doesn't know shit from dirt pudding". Strangely, there is no such pudding in England and yet in the US there is a "dirt pudding" which is made from oreo cookies and cream.
There's an English version "He doesn't know shit from dirt pudding". Strangely, there is no such pudding in England and yet in the US there is a "dirt pudding" which is made from oreo cookies and cream.
Saturday, 25 August 2007
Overheard...
In Marlow (England) last night, young lad with a Northern accent:-
"I'd fuck her till I were three stone"
Ah the enthusiasm of youth.
"I'd fuck her till I were three stone"
Ah the enthusiasm of youth.
Friday, 24 August 2007
Fuck me shoes
Wired is carrying a report on the "Aphrodite" shoe which is aimed at prostitutes. The shoe, carries an alarm which when activated sends a signal to the local police along with a GPS location?Which brings to mind another phrase "are you shitting me?" Did whoever designed this shoe not think for one second that putting a 9 button electronic device on the heel of a shoe might just be a tad tricky to use?
The first time I came across "fuck me shoes" was when feminist and academic Germaine Greer launched an attack on the columnist Suzanne Moore. Greer described Moore's appearance as "hair bird's-nested all over the place, fuck me shoes, and three fat layers of cleavage".
When you see Moore you get Greer's point:
Thursday, 23 August 2007
Offensive.....
Take a look at this story
Two women flash their boobs at a CCTV camera. Later they are charged and put on trial for outraging public decency. The judge threw out the case. Big mistake: Rachel Marchant, should have been sent down for at least two years.
Two women flash their boobs at a CCTV camera. Later they are charged and put on trial for outraging public decency. The judge threw out the case. Big mistake: Rachel Marchant, should have been sent down for at least two years.
Really Bad Words I
Offensive
adjective 1 |əˈfensiv| causing someone to feel deeply hurt, upset, or angry : the allegations made are deeply offensive to us | offensive language. • (of a sight or smell) disgusting; repulsive : an offensive odor.
Currently this is my number 1 bad word.
See for example this story about a bunch of goons who decided to go to carnival in fancy dress. The problem was the costume chosen by the carnival goers was a Burka. That outfit, coupled with some silly names and a bit of mock praying led some students and local officious types crying that the outfits were offensive to muslims. Sometime later the leader of the revellers apologised, no doubt because his gang had been moved on by the local Police !!!!
Boo-fucking-hoo. Why on earth should people be protected from being offended? Much more worrying why should a particular group, sect, religion, political tribe - whatever - be protected from offense?
adjective 1 |əˈfensiv| causing someone to feel deeply hurt, upset, or angry : the allegations made are deeply offensive to us | offensive language. • (of a sight or smell) disgusting; repulsive : an offensive odor.
Currently this is my number 1 bad word.
See for example this story about a bunch of goons who decided to go to carnival in fancy dress. The problem was the costume chosen by the carnival goers was a Burka. That outfit, coupled with some silly names and a bit of mock praying led some students and local officious types crying that the outfits were offensive to muslims. Sometime later the leader of the revellers apologised, no doubt because his gang had been moved on by the local Police !!!!
Boo-fucking-hoo. Why on earth should people be protected from being offended? Much more worrying why should a particular group, sect, religion, political tribe - whatever - be protected from offense?
Masters of Profanty II
Joe Rogan.
Best known for the reality show "Fear Factor"; shame really he's a great stand up. If swearing ever becomes an Olympic event Rogan should head up the US Team.
Rogan's album "Shiny Happy Jihad" is a masterwork of profanity in which he reveals the secret of how he comes up with such delights as "Flying squirrel pussy people".
Rogan's blog:
http://blog.joerogan.net/
I count 33 variations of "fuck" on the first page. Nice work. Rogan is touring between September and November, with one date in London on 6 September at the Arts Theatre. Nice.
Word of warning, Rogan's got a real working class/blue collar attitude to being heckled so do it at your peril....
Best known for the reality show "Fear Factor"; shame really he's a great stand up. If swearing ever becomes an Olympic event Rogan should head up the US Team.
Rogan's album "Shiny Happy Jihad" is a masterwork of profanity in which he reveals the secret of how he comes up with such delights as "Flying squirrel pussy people".
Rogan's blog:
http://blog.joerogan.net/
I count 33 variations of "fuck" on the first page. Nice work. Rogan is touring between September and November, with one date in London on 6 September at the Arts Theatre. Nice.
Word of warning, Rogan's got a real working class/blue collar attitude to being heckled so do it at your peril....
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